To say that I’m blown away by all of the love, “congratulations,” comments, emails, donations, and tshirt sales from our adoption announcement (here)…all of my measly words are an understatement.
So the best I have to offer is simple “thank you.” Thank you from that deep place in my heart where Jesus resides. The deep level that is only expressed in tears and smiles and tight hugs.
Or I could do that interpretive dance that’s deep within this toe-tapping, jiving ginger. Maybe that will be my next coffee chat? Strictly interpretive dance. haha! Oh, I’m making myself giggle.
It’s been three days since I hit publish on that post. I said a major prayer when that went out. In three days, so much good has happened and I know that God is in the middle of all that good. But I also don’t know if I’ve ever been so aware of spiritual warfare than I have in those three days. I can definitely tell that the devil is trying to steal my joy. It might have worked for, like, two minutes but then I was like, “Hold up. Back on up out of here, devil!”
I’m a very analytical person. I’m a perfectionist. I strive for excellence. I’m very hard on myself. I’ve been known to send novel emails as though it is a college thesis. I have to make a conscious effort to show myself grace on a daily basis because I have a bad habit of being a self-flogger. Anybody else relate?
On Friday when someone politely and kindly pointed out that “Ephesians” was spelled “Epheisians” on our tshirt design I had a panic attack. Like, couldn’t breathe. “OH MY GOD! People saw that and it wasn’t perfect! They must think I’m an idiot! Who is going to want to spend money to support us and wear these shirts if a word is spelled WRONG! If you sell no shirts it’s ALL YOUR FAULT, Hannah because you spelled it WROOOOONG!”
And I was right in the middle of work and didn’t have the files with me to make the correction and send it off to get fixed. Ugh, bring on the worry! I’m a worst-case-scenario thinker that is able to curve that habit most of the time. But this time it came out full-force! I was worried that it was too late to fix my design. I was worried that people would see the misspelled word and not buy a shirt just for that reason. I was worried that our fundraiser would be a flop and it would be all my fault.
It sounds dramatic now, but I had worked so hard getting everything together for that big announcement to be perfect and that one letter in a misspelled word was the pea under the mattress that set me off.
I was on my way to a photoshoot, in tears, and just had to stop and PRAY. Have you ever been to that point where you’re so consumed in worry but there’s absolutely nothing you can do about the situation? Except pray? That is the point where I have to talk myself off the ledge, realize that He is in control, and hand it over to Him. Most of the time I’m able to do that before I reach that freak panic point. I realized that this was just the devil keeping me from 1) being joyful, 2) celebrating the gifts we received already, 3) focusing and doing my job on the photoshoot I was on my way to.
Prayer is so affective, guys. I’m not even kidding. Just talking to God like you would to a friend who is right there with you, hand it over to him, and realize that He’ll work everything out for the best.
I joked and thought, “Well, that’s just us like me…the one to add the “I” into a word that doesn’t belong, just to be different.” Consider it a subtle theme, not a misspelling. I was so thankful that someone caught it before the shirts were printed! But so many people saw the design even before we launched our campaign and no one caught it! As soon as I got home that night I sent the updated design and it is fixed! Hallelujah!
Okay, so THEN…Saturday I’m working on my free graphic prints that I’ll be sending out in November’s newsletter (this week, you should subscribe). A little reminder popped up on my computer prompting me to update to the new Maverick OS. I thought, “sure why not now?” stopped my project, backed up my computer, and started the update.
Then my computer crashed.
And I couldn’t help but laugh.
Seriously? I was like, “The devil will stop at nothing to steal my joy, will he?” I kept a calm demeanor, laid some hands on my laptop (no joke) and said a very purposeful prayer. Over my laptop. I wasn’t worried about losing any data because I had two backups (A LESSON IN BACKING UP, PEOPLE!). <—sorry for the all caps, but BACK UP YOUR COMPUTERS! Sorry, I did it again. I was just worried about the inconvenience. I have so much work to get done and my computer is a necessity. I spent all of Saturday fixing my laptop and finally, it was restored back to normal. But next time I’m doing a “simple” operating system update, I’m headed to the Genius Bar.
Plus, Aaron had been in Atlanta since Wednesday and wasn’t coming home until Sunday night and it was hard having him away while everything was going on.
So, what am I saying here?
I’m saying, the enemy always tries to attack us the hardest when we’re on the brink of something great. Let’s be intentional to guard our hearts and minds against whatever he may throw at us. I know this won’t be the last attack in our adoption process so I’m on high alert. And let’s make sure to hand all worry and doubt, panic attacks and all, over to the Lord because he will work everything out for good for those that love Him. That promise (Romans 8:28) is in the Bible, after all.
Is there any way you’ve been feeling attacked lately? I’d love to pray for you.
More info about our adoption:
Buy a shirt (here).
Donate (here) if you’d like.
Subscribe to my blog (here) if that tickles your fancy.
Watch our adoption video (here).
I’m participating in a photo-a-day on Instagram for #knittogetherbyadoption if you’d like to follow along: @hannahbunker on Instagram.