My Wisdom (Tooth) Is Gone

There is no spiritual value to this post at all. There’s no 3 step list to make you a better creative/christian/mommy/pet parent. There’s not even a freebie at the end of this post that I’m going to offer you.

It’s just a story.

This post is simply to tell you about getting my wisdom tooth pulled.

It was quite an event and, unfortunately, an unexpected one.

My entire youth, teenagdom, and even part of my adulthood I patroned one dentist. I take that back. I’ve had more work done to my mouth in my 27 years than some funny analogy I can’t think of right now. So I’ve had several dental professionals mark my mouth with their dental signature: dental surgeons, orthodontists, and prosthodontists. But I grew up with only 1 general dentist. And this guy always told me how lucky I was to not have wisdom teeth.

My best friend gets her wisdom teeth taken out in high school and looks like a chipmunk. Sucks for you, but so glad I don’t have them.

Aaron and I start dating and he tells me about getting his out. Man, that must have been horrible. So glad I won’t have to deal with that.

Flash-foward to newlywed-dom and it’s time for me to find a new dentist that is on our insurance plan. So I start going to the same dentist Aaron has gone to since he was a baby. I call him Dr. P. That’s not his name, but we’re tight so I gave him a nick name and joke around with him every time I see him.

Here’s how I joke with Dr. P: I had an implant put in when I was in jr. high by a specialist. It broke off right before Aaron and I got married. While I was still on my parents insurance we tried to get a new implant put in but there were some complications and basically (but not basically) they were going to have to start the whole implant process from scratch meaning they were going to have to drill another hole in my jaw, and so on and so forth. If you’ve never heard or read about the process of a dental implant, it’s NOT fun. Not fun at all. And if you need one and your dentist says it’s going to be “easy,” he’s lying.

So anyway, we couldn’t get the implant fixed so for six years now I’ve had a gap between two molars where a tooth should be. So when I started going to Dr. P, he’s all like, “Let’s just start over with the implant. It won’t be hard at all.” And I straight up told him to his face that that’s a lie. He laughed and now every time he sees me he asks, “When are we going to redo your implant?”

Until one day he asked me and here’s what I said, “Dr. P, you know how you could try to convince me to not believe in Jesus any more and there’s no way that that could happen because I’m rooted that deeply in my belief and faith? It’s the same dang thing with the implant!! I know that I know that I know I’m not getting one so let’s do a bridge and get the thing over with.”

So we’ll be doing a bridge in the future.

That was a really long tangent and you’ve probably stopped reading by now.

If you stopped reading by now then that’s too bad because if you’re still reading I’m giving you one thousand dollars.

Just kidding. I don’t have that kind of money. But thank you for still reading.

A couple of years ago Dr. P did my Invisilign treatment which went really well and fast. In the process he sees this “molar” that’s been taking it’s precious time for the past ten years (seriously) coming in. My last dentist said it’s just a molar. But Dr. P sees it and said, “We’re going to need to remove that wisdom tooth or it’s going to mess up your alignment as it keeps coming in.”

*record scratch*

Hold up. What? Wisdom tooth?

And all of my laughing at my wisdom-teethed friends in the past came back to haunt me in that moment of finding out that I did, indeed, have wisdom teeth.

“Yeah, see that’s your third molar and we’re going to have to get that sucker out of there before he starts causing trouble and shifting your teeth.”

I panicked.

Out of all the work I’ve had done to my mouth over my lifetime, I was always able to say, “Well, at least I don’t have to deal with wisdom teeth.”

Now here was life and irony coming back to bite me in the butt.

We scheduled the appointment for a day in May. And then “something came up.” I probably had to wash my hair.

Then June was um “busy.” July I had vacation. August was the start of school and even though I don’t have kids in school, the traffic school zones are back in order and that is quite an adjustment. September was my birthday. October I had a conference. November I almost got out of because of Thanksgiving and Aaron’s surgery but at my teeth cleaning a couple of a weeks ago he brought it up again and promised it would be a simple 5 minute procedure. “The worst part will be the Novocain shot.”

I asked every assistant that I saw, “Will it really be that easy? Is the recovery time short?”

“Yes, it’s that easy and you’ll be back to normal in no time.”

Alright. I scheduled my appointment for this past Monday at 5pm. I had lunch with a friend earlier that day and that settled my nerves a lot. But when I was on my way to the dentist I was tempted to call with an excuse. “Omg guys, I have a flat tire and can’t make it to my appointment! Don’t worry about rescheduling. I’ll call YOU. Wink.”

But I didn’t call and I shuffled in to my appointment with my blood pressure going through the roof.

I told everyone that I’m usually pretty good with dental things. I’m a dental veteran. But I was really nervous about this. “No need to be nervous. It’ll take five minutes and you’ll be done.”

Forty-five minutes later and my ear is practically in Dr. P’s belly button as he smooshed the side of my face into his round belly, pulling with all of his might trying to get the demon tooth out of my mouth. I could hear his stomach growling and in between pulling efforts I tell him that he should probably eat a sandwich. “Is it attached to my brain?!?!” I asked. He chipped and sawed and hacked and cut at this tooth for 50 minutes. At one point I was so uptight I realized that my legs were in the air!

When he finally FINALLY got the tooth out I loosened my tight muscles and started sobbing with relief. “Five minutes my butt!” I quipped half crying half laughing. I felt like I had just given birth and all I wanted to do was see the baby – the tooth. Dr. P whisked away to clean up the tooth, just like they would a newborn, while the assistant helped clean up the blood that was all over my face. I looked like a vampire that just had a hearty meal.

When Dr. P returned he said “THIS is why I just had the hardest tooth extraction I’ve had in my 35 year career…” and he held up the tooth.

Guys, I really want to show you a picture of this tooth to show you what a beast it is. But that’s gross. So I will just show you this picture of a grape the same size, held up to my face…

photo-1

Something THIS BIG was IN MY FACE, people!

And it was pulled out naturally. With no epidural! Only a little bit of Novocain and some heavy breathing.

Afterward he said, “If I would’ve known it was that big and hard to get out, I would’ve sent you to a specialist to have it surgically removed.”

I’m sad about 2 things: 1) I feel like I’ve been in a fist fight and would’ve loved to have been asleep when this went down. 2) This was a missed opportunity for Aaron to video me coming out of anesthesia so we can post it on the web to potentially go viral! Gah! Now, how am I supposed to make my millions?! That opportunity was taken away from me!

I feel like I’ve been in a fist fight and the gaping hole in my jaw constantly grosses me out so we won’t talk about that. I’m on antibiotics and a hit of vicodin when things get rough, but mostly I’m feeling alright.

So there you have it. The story of having a wisdom tooth taken out.

Now can someone bring me some ice cream?

***

Sidenote: I do still like my dentist and we get along really well. I wasn’t mad at him. I sass him a lot, though, as you have read.

  • Rachel - OMG. NO EPIDURAL. Love it. You have such a great outlook!ReplyCancel

  • Heidi - I always hear my dentists stomach growling and I want so badly to bring her a snack before my appointments! I'm going tomorrow to have my crown fixed but all I'll be thinking about is you and your demon tooth. So freaking funny, Hannah.ReplyCancel

  • Urban Wife - Omg, Hannah. Your storytelling is fantastic and hilarious.ReplyCancel

  • kaseypowers - At least it's a good story? And I really do want to see the tooth – I'm having a hard time picturing a tooth the SIZE OF A GRAPE!
    Also, I now feel the need to share my tooth story with you. It is quite the opposite. I have really good teeth. I did get braces – twice (because I didn't wear my retainer the first time) but my first cavity wasn't until I was 22. I am also a late teeth grower and only have 3 wisdom teeth which I was told may or may not come in. Then when I was 25 one of these stupid teeth started to come through. First – it hurts! I totally get why babies cry. Second, even though there is plenty of room for the tooth it was a top tooth and nothing below to stop it. So out it must come. My dentist told me it would take five minutes. And that I didn't need to worry about taking time off work, I would be fine to go back (all dentist appointments are on my lunch hour). HA! I didn't believe him, so I took the afternoon off and made sure Rob (who was working from home at the time) could come pick me up. The dentist LIED!!! It only took about 2 minutes in my case. I called Rob and told him not to leave the house. I still took the afternoon off 🙂 But really, after watching so many friends in high school and college go through horrible extractions and surgery I still can't believe how easy it was. I have the bottom one coming in now – we are just leaving it alone though.
    PS – I am going to try to get a coffee chat up next week. Just for you XOXO. ReplyCancel

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