Fidget. Fidget. Fidget.
It’s what my hands constantly do. Popping knuckles. Twirling hair. Tapping fingers.
Think. Think. Think.
It’s what my brain does. Constantly. It never shuts off. I get so lost in my thoughts that it takes a good jolt to bring me back to reality.
A couple of weeks ago I got the sudden urge to learn to crochet. As if I needed to spend my time in more projects. It wasn’t because I wanted this great end result that I could wear or snuggle with. I wanted something mindless that would keep my hands busy while my mind wandered. A busy way of resting.
So I recruited my talented seamstress friend, Barbie, and we had a crochet night where she taught me a few basics and guided me to get a scarf started. It was a wonderful night with a great friend. We sang show tunes, had girl talk, and crocheted. We were having so much fun that several times I lost count of my stitch and had to rewind and unthread a few loops. If you don’t get that, it’s okay…it’s just professional crochet-er talk.
The next morning I woke up and the first thing I felt like doing was crocheting. I spent some alone time that morning weaving and looping and stitching my way to a scarf. I gained some length as I worked. Each night since then I’ve sat for just a while crocheting while letting my mind wander.
Dreaming, vision casting, and meditating.
I use this quiet time to talk to the Lord about it all. Telling Him my heart. It’s like our little date time.
One night I was quietly stitching away. I pulled my scarf back, laid it down on the couch and stretched it out to see how it looked and what kind of progress I made.
It had a funny shape. The start of the scarf started off wide but was starting to taper the further along I got. The edges weren’t straight. A few stitches I didn’t realize I had lost count and so they were bunched up and uneven from all the rest. I wasn’t discouraged. I laughed at it and thought, “Well, at least I’m having fun messing this thing up.”
I picked it up and continued my silent stitching. I began to think about my soon-to-be scarf and the story it will tell. When I wear it and someone says, “I like your scarf.” It won’t be a factory scarf. It’s unique. That’s for sure. I’ll be proud to say it was hand stitched with love in quiet moments sitting on the couch, next to my sweet pup, dreaming and talking to the Lord.
About the time I was thinking about my great-great-grandchildren who will someday wear this warped scarf their ancient grandma made, I began to feel overwhelmed with love from my Jesus. He so sweetly whispered to my heart, “I know a lot of times you feel crooked and bent out of shape just like this precious scarf you are making, but I’m not giving up on you – just like you’re not giving up on your scarf. You see your scarf as a beauty, just like I see you.”
“Each crooked line that you stitched but continued because you were determined, is a crooked line that generations from now will see. Just as you’ve graciously continued through the crooked stitches of your life, that example will be seen in generations to come.”
“I will continue to mold you into who I made you to be, even when you don’t feel so beautiful. I will love your imperfections and use them for my glory.”
“And I will do all this with my peace, that I’ll also give you, just as you’re sitting peacefully here working so lovingly on your imperfect scarf.”
Through sweet tears I continued to stitch, overwhelmed by love from my Savior.
Now, every time I sit down with my crochet needle and yarn, I can’t help but think of how much I love my Jesus.
And how much he loves me.