Hannah Bunker »

Waiting for Grace: From Mud to Miracles

I’ve just started doing a Bible study with HOPE, the infertility support group I’ve been going to at Lakewood. The book is called Surviving Infertility: What the Bible Says About Your Baby Hunger by Beth Forbus. We are only on the second chapter but I can already feel the difference this is making in my life – in my emotional struggle with this issue.

The first chapter tells us to read John 9, the story of Jesus healing the blind man by spitting in mud and smearing it on his eyes.

I read through John 9 and started answering the questions the author asks. The question that stood out to me was this:

“What do you think was going through the blind man’s mind when he heard Jesus spitting?”

I had never thought about this perspective. The answer immediately came out. I could feel myself sitting in his spot. He probably thought Jesus was like everyone else – judging him, mocking him, then defiling him because of his status. This man turned to Jesus and asked him to help him with his greatest need. Imagine, as a blind man, hearing the sound of a man spitting after asking such a desperate question. It breaks my heart to think that this man would have thought that Jesus was trying to hurt him.

I could identify with the blind man. His blindness is my infertility. And when I ask the Lord to please let me be pregnant I feel like my menstrual cramps and unnatural craving for chocolate is the sound of Jesus spitting.

But what was happening outside of that man’s own mind, sound, and comprehension? Jesus was taking something so disgusting and humiliating and using it to bring miraculous healing! What we perceive isn’t always what is happening. Jesus was spitting and to us it’s him cursing us when really, it’s Jesus taking what we think is a curse and turning it into a miracle!

Why ME?

So often I find myself finding some fault in myself for the reason I’m having trouble getting pregnant. I think, “What is so wrong with me that God doesn’t want me to have a baby?” In reading this story in John about the blind man I found that he asked the same thing. This scripture punched me in the gut:

This happened so the power of God could be seen in him. John 9:3-4

Whoa. Do you ever read a scripture you’ve read a thousand times and then at one particular moment those words seem to flash at you like light outside a window while you’re trying to sleep? It jolts you out of that deep spiritual sleep you’ve been in and slaps you across the face. Here’s what that scripture said to me:

Hannah, this is happening to you because I want to use you to show the world what an awesome God I am.

At some point, I don’t know when, Jesus is going to spit in some mud and I’m going to have my miracle…however that miracle will come to us. All of this pain and heartache is just an opening act for the big show. This is going to be a testimony to show what an awesome God we have. I began to think, what an honor – what an honor that God would trust me with such a burden and that in spite of what we’re going through, could trust that His awesomeness could be seen in me. In ME. In little ‘ol me.

And he trusts you. I want to encourage you. If you are going through a trial right now and feel like when you’re asking for help that Jesus is spitting, remember that Jesus took something that seems horrible to us and turned it into a miracle. He trusts you with his miracle and although it may be hard to see it through all the muck, it’s an honor. Our pain and struggles are not to be taken lightly, but with God, there is nothing to big or too small. We have a great God who can take something so painful and turn it into a beautiful miracle.

Keep going. Your miracle is coming.


But while I am here in the world, I am the light of the world.


  • Maddy - I loved reading this post. I've experienced some of the pain and angst in other areas of my life and because of it, I can now appreciate all the blessings I've been afforded. It requires some patience on our part (to get through the icky times), but the end it's always worth the wait. ReplyCancel

  • Kyla - Love this, Hannah! ReplyCancel

  • Amanda - Thank you, Hannah, for sharing your testimony with us. Your words have touched my heart. I feel like God is speaking directly to my soul through you. Thank you for your boldness and faithfulness to share your story. I am so glad God led me to your site through Pinterest! I rarely look on there but decided to look at the arts and crafts section on Saturday. The first idea I saw was for the "Reasons I love You" card deck idea you posted. It led me to your website where I spent the rest of the morning reading your posts about "Waiting for Grace." It is so amazing how God can take something as small as me looking up craft ideas on Pinterst and turn it into a lesson and encouragement for my heart. My husband and I are also waiting for grace. We long for the day when we too will hold our babies in our arms. Thank you again. I am praying for you and your husband. 🙂 ReplyCancel

  • Bethany - thank you so much for sharing a part of your Bible study with us! It was such an encouragement and blessing to me! I also had never thought about those passages that way before and what the blind man must have been thinking. Thank you for sharing new insight and reminding me that God is in control and sometimes things occur so that the world can see His glory and power! My husband and I are also in a season of waiting, hoping and praying for a baby. I appreciate your encouraging words today and know that you are being prayed for this day! thanks again! ReplyCancel

  • Hannah - Thank you, Bethany, for your sweet comment. I'm glad to hear that something I had to say offered encouragement to someone. And I appreciate your prayers. I'll pray for you in your season of waiting! ReplyCancel

  • Beth - I find it so strange how I come across people's blogs….I was helping my teenage daughter look for anniversary ideas for her 1yr anniversary with her boyfriend..and boom…there was your awesome idea for the 52 reasons I love you…I am a budding photographer so, I of course spend countless hours looking at other photographers sites…BTW..you are amazing!

    I am a 46yr old mother of 2 who suffered from inferitility for 3 long years! I totally understand your longing, your questions, your emotional rollar coaster ride! When I first saw my fertility specialist he asked if I had any temperature charts..I rolled one out at him that went across his desk and onto the floor…at this point he couldn't help but laugh out loud..and now I too laugh when I think about how crazy it was…I will not bore you with my story but after a small surgery, some drugs, and the Dr. suggesting a long break from all treatment…we were fortunate to have been blessed with 2 amazing kids. My heart aches and rejoices with you as you continue on this crazy journey..called life…from your recent blog it seems that God is already blessing you! I will continue to pray for you..knowing only how a woman who has lived through infertility can understand what you are going through…may God richly bless you and your husband. 🙂 ReplyCancel

  • Christine - Awesome takeaway from John 9! I will have to order that book and go through it. ReplyCancel

  • Natasha - Love this. So much. ReplyCancel

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