It’s late at night as I write this post. Because I’m slightly OCD and type A, I’m making a spreadsheet of all the people who have given to our adoption fundraisers to someday soon write all of them personal “thank yous.” Many of them I don’t even know and I’m having a hard time figuring out how to get a hold of some of them. It totally baffles and amazes me that a stranger has given to us. I’m sitting nestled in the the corner of our couch across from our twinkling Christmas tree, and I can’t help but weep, overwhelmed with love and gratitude.
Sitting on my coffee table right now is a pound of Stumptown coffee and an “I Heart NY” onesie sent from a friend in NYC that I met at Blogher only last year. I’m drinking tea from a mug given to me by a friend who bought me this mug recently just because it reminded her of me. I get a text from a friend asking what yarn colors I would like in the blanket she’s crocheting for Baby Bunker. People are offering to feed us after Aaron has his surgery next week. We’ve had offers to have our family photos taken when Baby Bunker comes home. I look across the living room and sitting next to our Christmas tree is a rocker just given to us by a friend who used to spend hours playing in it as a child, and wants our child to have it.
Sometimes I just don’t know how much sweetness my heart can take. From being given $14,000, to being handed another $1,000, to a precious sentimental rocker sitting in our living room, to a stranger sharing our story with their Facebook friends…It’s all too much. The gratitude in my heart is too much. The feeling of unworthiness is too much. The only thing I know to do is to cry and mutter what seems a measly “thank you.”
I was telling a friend the other day how I feel the need to give back what has been given to me. Like, I have to repay what’s so selflessly and kindly been given to us. I have a hard time just accepting.
She told me a story that really resonated in my heart. She asked, “Do you thank the mailman every day for bringing you the mail?”
“This kindness is people being the mailman for the blessings God has in store for you. These blessings are from God. They’re delivering the package.”
And with that came a sense of freedom from guilt that I have nothing to give in return. Nothing except genuine gratitude and an incredibly thankful heart. Because truthfully, I can never out give God. I Just say thank you with all my heart and hope that I can be that blessing to someone, some day, some how.
So with tears falling onto my keyboard I say – for every penny, for every gift, for every sharing of our story, for every word of encouragement, for every prayer, for every thought…
…thank you, from the depths of my heart, for being the mailman.