I’ve been going through a season of tough self-examination, putting my heart and my intentions under a microscope because I want them to line up with the way God and his word has called me to be. I don’t want to miss out because of my human drama. I’m finding so many areas where I’m totally jacked up;
Pride? Duh. Of course.
Critical? What’s that on your face?
Impatience? When is it going to be my turn?
Selfishness? Hush, I’m talking.
Insecurity? I *think* I’ve got that in the bag. Or do I? I don’t know. I don’t know ANYTHING!!
Let’s stop on that last one for a moment: Insecurity. This is my kryptonite. It’s probably 99% of the human population’s kryptonite…and we’re all insecure in different areas. I find that I’m neurotically insecure about my creative abilities, certain relationships, and the things I say to others and how I say them. That’s why this scripture, Galatians 6, stuck out to me in regards to my insecurities. It reminded me to stop worrying about everything else and just do what I’m here to do. As long as my heart is in the right place, I’ll trust that God can take my pure intentions and put them in the right hands.
Basically I’m human. Surprise! And guess what? I can’t fix all of this junk about me. But guess who can? Bingo! God can.
And I’m so thankful for that because I would go insane trying to straighten my mess out. However, that’s not my job. My job is to say, “Okay God, here I am. This nasty human with all of this baggage. I hand it over to you because you are the ultimate fixer.” My job is to say, “Okay God, here’s all the things I’m insecure about. I give them to you and trust that you’ll take those things and heal them then turn them into something good.”
We are such broken people, so in need of God. But he thinks I’m swell and takes that brokenness and turns it into something valuable, something of use.
I’m so thankful that he loves me past my junk.