The title of this post is not click-bait.
I’m literally having brain surgery.
I don’t even know where to begin with this. It’s so detailed and elaborate how we’ve come to the point of my name being on a surgery schedule. I just keep thinking how this story is going to be in a book that I write some day. A book about waiting. About enduring with joy. I started that book a long time ago [with our infertility] but He just keeps adding layers of depth to the same narrative.
I’ve found myself wallowing in guilt for not documenting in writing every detail that has happened to me and my health because that’s what I do – I write. Writing is healing but it’s only seemed laborious in all of this. But these words stumbled in my path articulated the dust storm that’s happened in my heart as I’ve dealt with my health mystery…
“I think there are times to write about what has happened to us and then I think there are times to allow what’s happening to us to just happen. No writing it down. No trying to make it eloquent. No forcibly documenting it for the world to comment on.” – Hannah Brencher
So I haven’t written. It most certainly won’t be eloquent at this point because I’ve just been…managing…and wondering at what point is it time to move past management to putting on boots and getting to work.
I don’t know.
But I know it’s not right now. Because the work I need to do is to get healthy so I can be the best wife and mom I can be. That’s where the priority work is right now.
For now, you get an abbreviated version. I just wanted to tell you where I’m at…
I have hydrocephalus and I’m having brain surgery to fix it.
I never thought I’d be happy to have a name for all the pain I’ve been through. And I’m having surgery December 13th on my brain after nearly 2 years of searching for answers. Somehow I managed to film and edit a video for you to help explain what I can.
I’ll see you on the other side.
And don’t think I didn’t type that with out singing “I’ll see you on the other siiiiiiiiide!” #adele