Gay for Fey

Dear Tina,

The title of this post may seem misleading for I am, in fact, not gay. I just thought the rhyme was fun. But so would my second grade self. And I would probably bet money that “Gay for Fey” has become cliche because it’s just too easy.

I just finished your book, Bossypants. Why I had to clarify that the book I read was Bossypants, I don’t know. That’s the only book you’ve written – well, that’s published – so it’s not like you wouldn’t know what book I was talking about. After finishing it I’ve determined that it’s the best book I’ve ever read. And I’ve read, like, five books in my life.

If I could have reached through the book and given you a high five, your hand would be stinging. I believe Mindy Kaling tweeted that “Bossypants for me was like the adult Twilight.” The next step should be a movie with you being played by me, or so my Facebook friends say. Seems like once the term doppelganger came around it was you who all my friends say I resemble. I’m very sorry about that.

I haven’t done much with my life but you make me want to. You motivate me to be better. Then, at times I think about how at 27 you were working as a writer at Saturday Night Live and how I, at 25 (almost), still have “National Society of High School Scholars” on my resume. And when I think about that, it makes me want to sob into a bag of Cheetos. Not that you care, but I have this sort of love/hate relationship with you. You are everything I want to be but I just can’t live my life comparing it to yours. I tend to do that a lot with other people. I often have the tendency to compare the worst of what I am living through with the best of what others are enjoying. That’s what a fortune cookie told me one time. I have to carve my own path and be uniquely me. I can’t help it though if I have to wear glasses and dark, plastic frames fit my face the best. We’ll both just have to share that characteristic.

So here I am, almost 25, ready to do something with my life. I keep a picture of you on my desk as motivation to stay focused and freaking be somebody already. I’ve written some sketches and I’d love to write a book. And maybe someday I’ll be handing you what I’ve written. I’ll say, “This is pretty ballsy of me, I know, but I wanted to give you this (thing I wrote) just in hopes that if someday you’re ever on the toilet for an extended period of time and need some reading material you’ll reach for my book.” That is my goal in life; hoping that someday Tina Fey, while sitting on the crapper, will read something I wrote. What a beautiful moment that would be.

Thanks, Tina. It was fun getting to know you.


  • Matt - Holy cow that was funny. Your style reminds me of Jon Acuff, but not too much. I'll definitely have to come back and read more. Too good. ReplyCancel

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